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|Thursday, February 28th, 2013|
It's been years since I was on OKCupid, and going on "dates" is far and few between. Something convinced me to start back up. Rather than be stuck with any previous baggage or preconceptions, I started completely anew. I'm not sure all the site changes were for the better (No more journal feature? FINE! I'll... go to LiveJournal, instead!), but here we are.
Eeeeenteresting... the forum is still there, and active, even, but I don't see a way to get to it from the main page.
I have sent out dozens of messages; mostly short, somehow relating to what they present of themselves, and asking a question or two to try to stir up more conversation. I've gotten a few responses; fewer than half, which is disappointing, but I understand that women (especially attractive) tend to get dozens to hundreds of messages.
I did manage to arrange a date, and met her at a restaurant. We had a nice time talking, I bought dinner, we ended up taking a short walk afterwards. Irony rears its ugly head here: There's an inverse relationship between how attracted I am to someone and how easily I talk to them. People in whom I had no interest accused me of flirting, or gave me their number without my asking. People I really like end up ratcheting the pressure of talking to them so I forget how to word and dumb things do.
This one was, I felt, a success. I thought we had prospects, but because I wasn't projecting or building things up in my head, and she wasn't intimidatingly awesome, I had an easier time relaxing. I wrote her later to say I had a good time, after a few days she wrote to say she didn't think we had romantic prospects. But we both had a good time, I was definitely more relaxed than the last time I tried to "date", so like I said: I count it as a success.
PartnerQuest 2013 continues. One of the people I messaged a few weeks ago said she's back in the country and interested in getting together for coffee. A few others (really, OKC? You're suggesting a 56% match?) have turned into pen pals. Other things to do: See how much anxiety I can resolve, answer more questions (and get more picky about answering my questions; I theoretically can
date someone who never reads, but I should say no because it's not my ideal partner), creative visualization so I get more in-synch with the idea of being with a partner, talk to married friends about their relationships, let people know they should introduce me to their friends.
How's your OKCupid experience? How are you using it? Current Mood: geeky
|Sunday, December 30th, 2012|
|Wednesday, December 26th, 2012|
Did I go too far?
So basically, this guy who I've been chatting with all of 2 days asked me to accept him on facebook and I very politely refused. And then he got rude and I told him off. But now I'm wondering if I may have gotten too defensive and overreacted. I admit, I wasn't in the best mood when I read his message and responded. ( The messagesCollapse )
I know that, if anything, I can just block him and be done with it, but I really hate being a, well, a bitch to people if they haven't really deserved it. =/ETA:
Thanks a lot for everyone's opinion. I realized I could have handled the matter more diplomatically, but it's nice to know that my unwillingness to share my FB wasn't unreasonable, and that the guy really was as rude as I'd thought he was. Once again, thanks a lot!
|Friday, October 5th, 2012|
Anybody know where the OKC Forum went? It was the best part of the site, but now it seems to be gone...
|Saturday, September 29th, 2012|
Creepy guy sends me another moronic message.
Same Creepy Guy: Sep 29, 2012 – 12:49pm
Hi. So when did you decide to go gay?
This was the same guy that sent me the earlier message I posted here
I guess he thinks bi women are gay if they don't respond to his creepy messages.
Question for moderators: Does this community allow exposing creeps? Is it okay to post a link to his OkCupid account or mention his username? I would so love to out this guy so every woman knows to avoid him.
|Monday, September 17th, 2012|
Creepy private message
Got this one liner from a creepy guy on OkCupid.Creepy Guy: Sep 15, 2012 – 9:56am Hi there. Have you had any herpes breakouts yet?
I get clueless one liners often, but this one is the creepiest so far.
What can I do about this? Post the guy's message and username on my profile to publicly embarrass him?
|Friday, February 4th, 2011|
regarding the Match.com buyout
So, last night I made use of the greasemonkey script Squirrelitude linked to to download all my question answers, and then deleted all personal information from my accounts.
I'm curious about what other users are doing.
How many of you are staying, and how many are leaving? Are you downloading your answers? Are you deleting your answers? Are you just not going to log on as much? Or maybe these changes don't affect your relationship with the site at all...
What's your overall reaction?
|Thursday, February 3rd, 2011|
OKCupid bought by Match.com (no fooling)
OKCupid sold out
to Match.com for $50M. They also took down
their blog post about never paying for dating sites. There's an OKCupid discussion thread
, though I wouldn't bet on it sticking around. Pretty sure Match is looking for the IP owned by OKCupid, not the userbase.
ETA: If you'd like to delete all your questions from the site before Match.com gets them but don't want to lose the data, use this greasemonkey script
to download the questions and your answers in JSON format. Use at your own risk -- verify that everything was saved off before you delete from OKCupid!
|Friday, November 12th, 2010|
Warning: OkCupid jumps on the anti-privacy bandwagon
I've never liked public answers because I feel that when people answer knowing that others will see their answers, it influences their choices and pollutes the match system with somewhat skewed information. I wish OkCupid didn't have "public" answers at all (WTF, on the other hand, was nice, since it let you choose to deliberately reveal your answers to one specific person). But, at least I could avoid it for my own self.
Earlier this year, I tried making one answer public. What I didn't realize is that when I checked that "public" box and submitted, that became a default until I explicitly turned it off. So OkCupid tricked me into making the next several answers public, before I noticed. And worse, under its "you can't change your answer for 24 hours" policy, I couldn't undo that until the next day - and I had to explicitly bookmark and remember, which was frustrating.
But now they've taken that to a brand new level. I'm not sure exactly when, since I haven't answered new questions in a few months, but today I just did... and after a few I noticed that OkCupid said I had a bunch of public answers. Wha???Public is now the default!
To make an answer private, you have to check the "private" checkbox.
Checking that box is not sticky
- if you want your next answer private, you have to click it again
, for each new answer.
So not only is OkCupid once again tricking me into making things public that I intended to keep private, but it's doing it in a particularly devious way, and making it really inconvenient to keep my answers private. And it's also changed in a way that's going to make everyone else much more likely to make all their answers public.
The reason I haven't answered questions in months, is because of the creepy icky feeling I got the first time I got tricked into public answers I hadn't intended. Now I have that feeling a lot more, so maybe I won't be answering questions anymore.
But even worse, this is the second time OkCupid has messed with their core feature - the matching system - in a way that makes it less valuable. The quality of the matching system is really the thing that keeps me coming back to OkCupid despite their plethora of mistakes in just about everything else. It's still the best matching system out there, sadly.
|Sunday, June 6th, 2010|
OkCupid just sent me mail saying I'm "in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users", by which I assume they mean I'm in the top half of all male OkCupid's users by attractiveness. Apparently I'll now see more attractive users, which indeed seems to be the case.
|Tuesday, May 25th, 2010|
|Wednesday, May 19th, 2010|
After weeks or being somehow closed off from the OkCupid site, I randomly tried to access the site today, and it let me right in! I feel so relieved! We never got to find out what happened, or what was wrong, but Mr. Chris Coyne, Erik Stiegler, and Maxwell Krohn have helped me extensively with diagnosis, etc. Their tech support really IS outstanding!
|Tuesday, May 4th, 2010|
Do we know what reply percentages equals "replies selectively" etc? Is it different for guys and girls?
|Thursday, April 22nd, 2010|
Chris Coyne on changes to the OKCupid matching algorithm
I messaged Chris Coyne (one of the OKCupid founders) to voice my displeasure with the new matching system and concern about the direction of the site. Below is his response, which he gave me permission to publish:
hey ____ - the match calculation is still the same, but about a year ago we changed how much we adjust down the match percentages. It was:
score = score - 1/sqrt(q's in common)
score = score - 1 / (q's in common)
This change was announced in two places:
1. on our homepage
2. on the FAAAQ page (where we updated the explanation)
As you point out, this has 2 effects:
1. users who stop at say 30 or 40 questions can still show up in people's match results, because they aren't downgraded into oblivion
2. we're accepting a little more tolerance of error
This tradeoff wasn't something we took lightly. We spent months studying the effects of both ways of calculating, and it turns out the new way solved a huge problem: message diversity. in the old calculation, a small minority of users on the site were getting most of the messages, not because they were actually better matches, but because they were the ones who chose to answer hundreds of questions. everyone else got burned. the over-aggressive confidence adjustment wasn't simply making match results more accurate, it was making the site ineffective for casual users.
Interestingly, this decision benefited everyone *including* the serious users who'd answered lots of messages. Even the users with 500+ q's answered ended up with more long term conversations.
Sorry this change isn't working for you, but we're very happy with it, and the site has done a lot better since then.
p.s. there is actually a completely new way of calculating matches which we believe does an even better job, and we're experimenting with it now. We believe it's much more accurate and addresses your concerns above, without screwing with diversity. But it's computationally much more intensive. If we switch to it there will be a big announcement.
|Monday, April 19th, 2010|
Figured out what happened...can anyone help??
Sooo...apparently, the IP address for our entire house is blocked from OkCupid. I know this, because I went on one of the sites that masks your IP and lets you surf anonymously. I went to http://www.hidemyipaddress.org
and surfed to it that way. Does anyone else know what may be going on and why it would be blocked for EVERY computer in the house on this network?? We've done nothing that would warrant a block, we haven't even posted on the forums, when it was blocked about a week or so ago, we (my roomate and I) had only been registered on the site for about 2 weeks. I was wondering if anyone could help figure out how to fix this, or may know what happened?
For reference, we use Comcast cable internet in Houston, Tx.
|Friday, April 9th, 2010|
Is OkCupid down?? I haven't been able to load since early yesterday??
|Saturday, March 20th, 2010|
On OKCupid, I just noticed that you can now add explanations to questions you've answered publicly, and they show up right next to your question answers (in the "Two of Us" section). I haven't seen this announced anywhere, so maybe it's only beta, but it seems just about perfect to me. Hooray!
|Thursday, January 21st, 2010|
Informal OKCupid Poll
This OKCupid community on LJ claims a user base of 300 members. Many of the names on the info page are familiar to me.
I wish to know how many registered here take part in the forums on OKCupid, and how many of those who do are rather disgusted (as I am) with the state of things in the OKCupid forums, especially as regards the disruptive actions of trolls, but really anything at all.
Somewhat unrelated, my Guide To OkCupid
, currently hosted in my okcupid journal, is currently being updated and reposted here on LJ
due to problems with the WYSIWYG OKCupid journal editor. Have a look at the updated index but please pardon the tremendous dust.
|Sunday, December 6th, 2009|
OkC security hole
I posted in my own journal about [what I consider] a security hole on OkCupid. You can see it here: edelsont.livejournal.com/14163.html
I don't know whether this will be news to y'all. And actually, I'd like to know: is it?
/ Tom Current Mood: curious
|Monday, November 30th, 2009|