raidingparty (raidingparty) wrote in okcupid,

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First Date

It's been years since I was on OKCupid, and going on "dates" is far and few between. Something convinced me to start back up. Rather than be stuck with any previous baggage or preconceptions, I started completely anew. I'm not sure all the site changes were for the better (No more journal feature? FINE! I'll... go to LiveJournal, instead!), but here we are.
Eeeeenteresting... the forum is still there, and active, even, but I don't see a way to get to it from the main page.

I have sent out dozens of messages; mostly short, somehow relating to what they present of themselves, and asking a question or two to try to stir up more conversation. I've gotten a few responses; fewer than half, which is disappointing, but I understand that women (especially attractive) tend to get dozens to hundreds of messages.

I did manage to arrange a date, and met her at a restaurant. We had a nice time talking, I bought dinner, we ended up taking a short walk afterwards. Irony rears its ugly head here: There's an inverse relationship between how attracted I am to someone and how easily I talk to them. People in whom I had no interest accused me of flirting, or gave me their number without my asking. People I really like end up ratcheting the pressure of talking to them so I forget how to word and dumb things do.
This one was, I felt, a success. I thought we had prospects, but because I wasn't projecting or building things up in my head, and she wasn't intimidatingly awesome, I had an easier time relaxing. I wrote her later to say I had a good time, after a few days she wrote to say she didn't think we had romantic prospects. But we both had a good time, I was definitely more relaxed than the last time I tried to "date", so like I said: I count it as a success.

PartnerQuest 2013 continues. One of the people I messaged a few weeks ago said she's back in the country and interested in getting together for coffee. A few others (really, OKC? You're suggesting a 56% match?) have turned into pen pals. Other things to do: See how much anxiety I can resolve, answer more questions (and get more picky about answering my questions; I theoretically can date someone who never reads, but I should say no because it's not my ideal partner), creative visualization so I get more in-synch with the idea of being with a partner, talk to married friends about their relationships, let people know they should introduce me to their friends.

How's your OKCupid experience? How are you using it?
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